


fire & desire

by celestialr0se



Category: Amar a Muerte, Juliantina - Fandom, juliantina - relationship - Fandom
Genre: Best Friends to Lovers, Drama, F/F, Juliana Valdés & Valentina Carvajal - Freeform, Juliantina, Romance, clueless valentina, cute ass pining juliana, juliana is in love love, lucho is a piece of shit so nothing new from his end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-10-15 07:32:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17524481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialr0se/pseuds/celestialr0se
Summary: Pining and denial. Juliana finds herself falling for Valentina but tries to convince herself that it's just nothing and it isn't working, especially if Valentina is going to shamelessly caress her hand in front of her and convince her to get drunk





	1. taste of tequila

Valentina doesn’t know how her fingertips are like fire whenever she brushes them alone Juliana impulsively. How could she know? She isn’t aware how much Juliana was pining for her ever since the day she’s met her and that’s okay, at least that’s what Juliana tells herself. Day after day since they’ve met, the amount of time they spend together is just ridiculous. Maybe Juliana isn’t falling for her new friend, maybe she’s just so appreciative of having an instant bond like this with another girl. She hasn’t had this close of a friend in so long because of the constant moving her mom and her go through, she thinks.

However it’s the moments where it feels like absolutely no one else in the world exists but the two of them when they’re melted alone together. Her heart and mind is all over the place when she wonders about the “what if’s”. What if Valentina reciprocated these feelings back? What if all the times Valentina pressed her forehead against hers was just a test to see if it was okay for her to lean in closer? What if Juliana is just delusional and romanticizing everything? She tries to bring herself back to reality. And reality is, Valentina is not into her and she has a whole boyfriend! Lucho. The asshole. Juliana shakes her head at the thought of him because how could she be someone like that?

“Are you okay?” The sound of Valentina’s voice snaps her out of her running thoughts.

“Yeah!” She accidentally responds very fast.

Valentina raises her eyebrow at her and smiles. _God, why is she looking at me like that?_ Juliana whines to herself.

They were watching a movie with Sergio and Lucho, where Sergio was on her left side, Valentina on her right, and Lucho on the other side of Valentina. The two were in the middle of the guys but Juliana just wishes Valentina would give up trying to hook up Sergio with her, because that will just never happen. It’s not that she has anything against Sergio, well he could be narcissistic, but it’s in general that she finds men repulsive most times to the point she doesn’t even want to imagine herself romantically involved with one. Women, on the other hand, she’s never really put too much thought into but with Valentina, it feels so personal and connected. She furrows her eyebrow as she gets lost in her thoughts once again.

Okay, maybe she likes the girl, but it’s harmless. It’s okay. It’s just a lovely imagination to get past the day. Nothing more and nothing less.. _but_ if Lucho tries to sneak another damn kiss on Valentina’s neck and grip her thigh again, she’s going to lose it and the next thing she knows, he’s doing exactly that.

At the same time, Sergio is trying to put his arm around her but she stands up and excuses herself to the bathroom before he gets the chance to. There’s never been more of a moment in her life that she rather be at home or even rather selling lottery tickets at the park, just anything to get out of this situation and maybe never come back. How much longer can she deal with this?

—

Sergio and Lucho leave not so long after the movie ends because somewhere during the movie, Valentina is yelling at Lucho for something he said and it leads to him making comments about her dead father so she kicked him out and told him that she rather spend time with Juliana. She smiled to herself hard when she overheard that.

“Babe, I didn’t mean to bring your dad up-“ Lucho pleads but Valentina shuts the door in his face and locks it with her back against the door.

Juliana walks up to her and asks if she was okay. Valentina just smiles at her, _okay she has to be stopped like seriously,_ Juliana thinks to herself. “I’m okay. Thank you for being here with me this late,” The tall girl hugs her in relief.

Juliana lifts her arms slowly and hugs back, with her open hands placed on the other girl’s back. “Always.” She says softly with the feeling in her chest aching.

Valentina pulls away from the hug. “I need a shot!” The girl says before skipping off to the kitchen. Juliana’s smiling because this is really her favorite person, she wouldn’t want to be around anyone else but her, but as a friend! Of course. Again, nothing more and nothing less.

“Are you going to take one with me?” Valentina pours tequila into two shot glasses, as she Juliana has already made her decision.

“No, but I’ll cheer for you as you take both of them,” She shakes her head as encouragement at the other girl. Juliana has never been drunk in her life and she didn’t want to start tonight and not be in her right mind around Valentina. That’s risky. _Not that there’s anything to be risky about in the first place, why would there be?_ \- and Juliana’s mind conflicts with itself once again.

“Come on, Juls. Just one shot,” Valentina has the devil’s water in her hand in front of Juliana, wanting for her to retrieve it. Juliana looks down at the tequila and back up at Valentina, who has this look on her face that she puts on anytime she wants something. And it works. Damn it, Juls.

Juliana takes the tiny glass and takes a deep breath in. “Just one.” She repeats and Valentina smiles hard.

They cling the glasses together and take the shot with their heads tilted back. _It fucking stings. A heavy ass lingering sting._ The tequila slides down her throat, leaving also a warm feeling. Valentina claps for her and takes the glass out of her hand.

“One more,” The girl laughs.

“Val!” Juliana’s eyes widen.

“Juls!” Valentina responds quickly and they both burst out laughing. _This. This moment, right here._ It’s so easy being happy around her, it scares Juliana. She doesn’t ever want to lose this girl.

Valentina takes a couple steps back to Juliana with another round and she isn’t sure about this at all. “Val, I don’t think so,” She says with her head shaking no.

The taller girl sets the shot glasses down on the counter and reaches for Juliana’s hands, caressing them with her thumb as she keeps her eyes fixated with Juliana’s. “One night. Just let yourself go for one night,” Her words and soft and so pleading, it’s making Juliana melt.

“I-I don’t know how I’ll get home,” Juliana tries to make this excuse but Valentina smiled like she already that something in mind.

“Stay over,” Valentina suggests.

“Val, no,” Juliana is so used to shutting down anything Valentina suggests because the girl once literally offered to buy her a car. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s intruding.

“We can have breakfast together in the morning, you love breakfast!” She’s trying to convince Juliana and it’s not her words that are making this hard for her to say no, it’s her hands and how terribly right it feels.

“Okay.” Juliana rolls her eyes and smiles.  
  
“ _Okay_?!” Valentina’s voice gets louder as she takes her hands and claps.

“Val! Shh!” She laughs and takes the shot glass from the counter.

Tequila is like water for Valentina, and for Juliana, well.. Her eyes get a little red.

Juliana watches Valentina pour tequila in the glass for another shot. She grins and asks, “Why does it feel like you’re going to mess my life up?”

Valentina lips curve as she sets the bottle upright and looks at Juliana. She licks her lips and replies, “A little mess never hurt anybody.”


	2. i could fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some flashbacks of the other night has juliana spinning

Juliana is the first one to wake up and feel a terrible headache. With her eyes barely open, she sits up and rubs her eyes, feeling a cold breeze tracing her skin when the blanket slides down from her arms. Her eyes gain focus and she realizes that she isn’t wearing clothes, _What the.._ To her right side, Valentina was sleeping softly underneath the covers so she lifts up the blanket to take a peak of her and hope she isn’t right about what she’s thinking. She looks to see that Valentina is completely naked, she lifts her head up fast and closes her eyes. _No, no, no, Juliana…_ She repeats this in her head over and over again. 

_What the hell happened last night?_

She sits on the side of the bed with her face in her hands trying to wrap her head around what could have possibly led up to this moment. With a side of throbbing pain going on in her head, her memory is flashing back to pieces of the night before. 

* * *

  _At this point, the tequila tasted like water to Juliana and she was taking another shot. She lost count of the amount of times she was downing these shots after the fifth one. It’s so easy to lose yourself when you’re around Valentina, she thinks. Being around her made her feel safe when letting go, like there isn’t anything bad in the world to hurt her._  

_“Come, let’s dance,” Valentina nudged as she turned on her speaker and connects her phone to the aux cord playing the song, ‘I Could Fall In Love’ by Selena. She reaches out her hand to Juliana and the girl takes it. Juliana stands up, feeling unbalanced because of the alcohol in her system made her knees weak for that moment. With hands joined together and their bodies swaying along to the beat of the song, Juliana notices Valentina looking down at their feet. It was almost like the girl was avoiding eye contact with her._

_“Remember, eyes up,” She softly says with her eyes searching to meet Valentina’s. Valentina meets eyes with her and they smile, Juliana swears Valentina’s cheeks are red right now. “Good,” She chuckles with her left hand sliding down to Valentina’s waist._

 

_I could fall in love with you_

_I can only wonder how_

_Touching you would make me feel_

_But if I take that chance right now,_

_Tomorrow will you want me still?_

 

_She hums to the song softly when Valentina rests her forehead against the side of hers. It could be the tequila in her system but if life would just happened to stop right here with Valentina swaying with her, Juliana would be okay with it._  

* * *

 As much as it was nice to see Valentina sleeping so peacefully, Juliana leaves before she even wakes up. She doesn’t know what to say or how to even react, her brain feels so fogged that bits and pieces of last night are slowly coming back to her. She remembers dancing and how close they were,and even wondering if Valentina reciprocated any of these unspoken feelings in that exact moment. Arilo sees her walking out and offers her a ride back to her home, but she decides to walk. Even with how weak she was feeling, she felt like it was best to walk and reflect on last night.

_Did I say anything stupid??_ She closes her eyes, because yes, she does remember. Her drunken words echoed in her head. Everything was coming back to her and she feels like she’s going to throw up. 

* * *

 

_Towards the end of their little dance, they both got carried away by the song and started singing it loudly together and laughing uncontrollably, especially when Valentina stumbles and falls down._

_“That was very clumsy of you,” Juliana laughs and sits down on the floor where Valentina was._

_Valentina adjusts herself and lays her head down on Juliana’s lap, playing with her hair strands._

_“So, what do you think of Sergio?”_

_At the sound of that name, Juliana immediately has this look on her face that’s full of disgust and Valentina laughs._

_“I’m sorry, but no.” She shakes her head._

_“What’s your type then?” The girl insisted to know._

_“No se.. I’ve never really had a type, I just feel like whoever we fall in love with is something we can’t control.” Juliana shrugs her shoulders and sighs. Maybe it’s the alcohol that’s making her come to this conclusion, but her feelings for Valentina is much more than something small and subtle. She’s thinking about that now as she studies Valentina’s face. The nose crinkle when she laughs, her eyebrow raising whenever she’s asking a question- just the small little movements she’s making._

_“Have you ever fell in love?” She wondered._

_The closest thing Juliana could think of when it comes to the idea of love was her mom but as for being_ in _love.. Well, she hates to think of it but Valentina is the closest thing that comes to it._

_“I don’t know,” Her voice is low. “I haven’t even had my first kiss,” She laughs._

  _“Que?” Valentina sits up with her eyebrows raised. “That’s impossible!”_

  _She blushes and shakes her head. “Never.”_  

_“Juls.” Valentina’s tone became serious._

  _“Si?”_

  _“You taught me how to dance.”_

  _“I recall.” She chuckles at the girl, not really knowing what the point was._

  _“I need to return the favor to you and teach you something, don’t you think?”_

  _Her eyes widen and her mouth goes agape. Is Valentina offering her a kissing lesson?_

_“Val..”_  

_“You’re good at dancing, which is why I trusted your steps. Now let me teach you something I’m good at,” Valentina confidently suggests._

_“Are you kidding?”_

_“Nope.”_

* * *

Once she gets home, she finds herself throwing up in the bathroom. _Ay dios mio._ If she had known this is what she’d be doing the next day, she would have never agreed to drink so much last night. The sound of her phone ringing goes off and she reaches for it.  

The phone call was coming from Valentina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapters influences a reader anticipation, so I really hope you guys are even more excited for the next chapter. More flashbacks about the night will take place in the next update!


	3. first night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really appreciate all the feedback lately! I hope you guys enjoy this chap!

_“Do you trust me?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“Then don’t be afraid.”_

_Valentina eyes drops down to Juliana’s lips and she already has Juliana feeling like she’s on fire. She uses her thumb to trace Juliana’s bottom lip as their foreheads are pressed against each other’s. “Calme..” She whispers._

_Juliana closes her eyes and feels Valentina’s warm and moist lips pressed against hers. How could someone have such perfect lips? She follows Valentina’s pace, where it’s not incredibly slow to where their lips aren’t moving together and where it’s not insanely fast and messy. They were in the perfect middle. Juliana gets the hang of Valentina’s lips moving along with hers, that she takes her right hand and rests it on the side of Valentina’s neck. Her grip was light for support. She feels Valentina’s tongue softly brushing against her bottom lip, and she invites her in. Their tongues danced together softly, in sync. Just the perfect pattern._

_Juliana is the first one to break the kiss and she was blushing. “How was that?”_

_Valentina looked at her like she’s never been more impressed in her whole life. “Are you sure that was your first kiss?” She grins._

_Juliana laughs and then looks down at her hands. “Val, can I ask you something?” The alcohol just ripped down Juliana’s filters. She doesn’t care what comes out her mouth at this point. What a feeling._

_“Anything.”_

_“Do you love Lucho?” She looks in Valentina’s eyes, searching for the truth._

* * *

 

She’s staring at her phone screen, contemplating on sending Valentina straight to voicemail or just simply answering because the girl is most likely worried about her whereabouts anyway. Once she was going answer the phone call, she waited too long to the point where the voicemail box met Valentina first. She lets a breath out, feeling relief, but she knows she can’t run away from Valentina forever. 

Her text tone goes off.

_“1 Text from Val.”_

_Val: Hey, you left without saying bye.. Are you okay?_

She remembers that Valentina absolutely hates it when she feels abandoned and now she’s feeling guilty for it. Maybe she should have left a note next to her bed or something, just anything would have been nice instead of leaving Valentina completely hanging like that.

Her phone rings again and for the second time, it’s Valentina but this time Juliana doesn’t wait to make a decision for too long again. 

“Hola, Val.” 

“Juls!” Valentina sounds like she had so much relief in her voice. “I’m sorry for calling twice in a row, I just needed to hear your voice.”

“Don’t be sorry, I’m the one who left before you even woke up.” _I’ve waken up next to you a million times, but this time we were both naked. I didn’t know what to do_. Juliana thinks in her head.

“How are you feeling?” 

She looks at herself and remembers that she’s sitting on the bathroom floor. “Like death.” She gives a weak chuckle. “I don’t think I’m ever going to touch tequila again in my life.”

Valentina laughs, “I wish you stayed, Chivis makes the best menudo for these times.” 

“That sounds absolutely perfect right now, actually.” Juliana groans, feeling her stomach cramping.

“Perfect. I’ll be at your house in 10 minutes.” Valentina says and Juliana’s eyes widen. She feels like her chest was about to explode because she’s never been so nervous before in her life. “Juls?” Valentina’s voice snaps her out of her thoughts.

“You don’t have to go out your way for me, Val. I’ll be okay,” She insisted. 

“I’m bringing you medicine too,” Valentina just completely ignored what Juliana just said and it made Juliana smile. There’s no getting through to that girl. When Valentina wants to do something, she just goes and right ahead does it without thinking about it. That’s her favorite thing about her. 

“Alright.” She accepts that there’s no winning on her end with Valentina.

“Okay!” Valentina sounds excited and then they hang up on each other. Juliana must admit that she feels better that Valentina is not acting the same way she is. Valentina is incredibly comfortable and it makes her feel safer, like she’s not going to lose her.

* * *

 

_“Lucho..” Valentina sighs hearing his name. “I don’t know. He’s an asshole.”_

_“Then why are you with him?”_

_“You know, I ask myself that a lot.” Valentina chuckles. “I think when my dad was alive, I was trying to have this perfect image of a daughter for him. So, with being Lucho would show him that I have a ‘strong’ man in my life and he would be proud.” She puts up air quotes with her hands when she described Lucho as “strong”. “Now that he’s gone, I’m not really sure why I’m still with that asshole.” For the first, Juliana is seeing Valentina a different light. She’s learned more and more about this girl every day but never would she had thought she would learn that Valentina was seeking acceptance to feel complete from anyone._

_Juliana watches Valentina reach for the tequila bottle, pouring another shot for the both of them. “Ay, Vale. Another one?” Her eyes widen._

_“One more isn’t going to hurt us.”_

_And it didn’t. Juliana is just completely out of it but she’s trying her best to keep her composure. She’s staring at Valentina’s lips as the girl downs yet another shot. Valentina lips curve into a smirk and she realizes that she’s caught staring at the girl._

_“Juls?” Valentina says her name so lightly._

_“Yeah?”_

_“I don’t want to talk about Lucho anymore.”_

_Juliana nods and tucks in another falling hair strands behind Valentina’s ear._

_“What do you want to talk about instead?” She asks._

_Valentina leans in closer to her and she feels hesitant. “We don’t have to talk about anything.” Her words vibrate close to Juliana’s lips. This isn’t another lesson, this is real. She doesn’t pull away this time, she’s allowing Valentina to do whatever she wants and she’s completely okay with it. When she feels Valentina’s lips against hers once more, she feels much more confident than the first kiss. She has more of an understanding on what she’s doing now._

_Her hand is behind Valentina’s neck, pulling her closer into her body. She wants to feel every part of Valentina. Valentina breaks the kiss and Juliana feels like she was completely melting in her, it made her instantly miss the girl’s warm lips. Valentina stands up from where they were sitting on the ground and has her hand out for Juliana. She takes Val’s hand and next thing she knows, Valentina’s pulls her up and has her against the wall._

_“Are you okay with this?” Valentina breathing heavy._

_“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to this for,” Juliana’s voice was filled with honesty, without a feeling of regret in her chest at all._

_Valentina turns Juliana’s chin to the side and presses her lips against Juliana’s neck. Her hands finds its way exploring Valentina’s back underneath cotton, with her nails digging in skin. Valentina lifts her shirt over her head and Juliana does the same thing. They taste each other’s lips once more before finding their way on the bed._

_Her legs straddle Valentina and she begins to return the feeling of lips contacted with neck._

* * *

 

Her mom was out working at the moment, thank god, because she doesn’t know how her mother would react if she were to see Valentina at their front door with a huge bowl of menudo in hand. Don’t get her wrong, her mom is appreciative of Valentina being nice, but at this point they lost count of the amount of times that Valentina has showed up to their front door with fresh cooked food in a glass container for them.

“Val, you didn’t have to-“

“Too late!” Valentina says as she walks passed Juliana, inviting herself in the house. She’s used to this.

Valentina goes straight to the cupboard and prepares a bowl of menudo for Juliana. She watches Val go through each cabinet as she sits down by the dinner table. Once the girl was done, she walks up to Juliana and sets the bowl down in front of her saying, “Comer.” _Eat._ Juliana hates to admit it to herself but she loves when Valentina is pushy because there’s never a moment where her intentions were bad.

“Gracias,” She says before beginning to slowly dig into the menudo. 

“Juls..” Valentina calls for her name and takes Juliana’s left hand, the hand that isn’t being used to spoon through the menudo.

She meets eyes with Val. 

“Yeah?”

“Why did you leave this morning?” 

And suddenly, her chest feels like paper being crumpled up. _I don’t know, Valentina. Maybe because I am insanely in love with you and the thought of you knowing scares me._ It’s easy to say this in Juliana’s head but aloud.. That’s another story.

“Val..” She groans, “Everything hurts and spinning, can we talk about it tomorrow?” Hangover excuse. At least she thought of something.

Valentina nods. “Right, I forgot you have a weak stomach.”

“Watch it, I’m strong okay?” Juliana rebuttals and it just makes Val giggle.

“I brought you some medicine, but I think I got the perfect thing for you,” Valentina touches Juliana’s forehead with the back of her hand. 

“And what is that?”

Valentina bites her bottom lip into smile and rubs Juliana’s forehead as a message with the following words, “Sana sana, colita de rana,” _Heal, heal little frog tail._

Juliana burst out laughing and Valentina couldn’t help herself to not laugh as she continues to say the most basic line they both heard growing up whenever they were sick or hurt.  


“Si no sana hoy, sanara mañana!” _If it doesn’t heal today, it’ll heal tomorrow._ Valentina finishes off with joy in her voice, as if she actually cured Juliana’s hangover. 

“Muchas gracias,” Juliana watches the girl sit back down on the chair near her. 

“De nada.” Valentina says while she opens the medicine tablet and takes two ibuprofens out. “I’ll get you a glass of water-“

Juliana reaches out for Valentina’s hand to stop her from walking back to the kitchen. “Val, I appreciate it but you really don’t have to take care of me like this,” She said.  


Valentina kneels down near Juliana, looking up to her with her blue eyes almost compelling Juliana. “I’m the one that brought you feeling like this mess, at least let me help you get out of it.” And with that, she stands up slowly and presses her lips softly against Juliana’s forehead before walking back to the kitchen. 

For the first time, she’s feeling like Valentina could possibly reciprocate her feelings for her and she realizes the feeling in her chest is gone. 

Valentina’s phone vibrates on the table and the phone was just so close to Juliana, she couldn’t help but to glance at it.

 

_Lucho: Babe_

_Lucho: Where the hell are you?_

_Lucho: Answer me_

_Lucho: ??_

 

That’s right, there’s still that thing in Valentina’s life. _Even his question marks sounds aggressive._ Juliana wishes she can take the disappointing feeling away from her heart.  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Like usual, there is more yet to come! Please continue to leave comments, it really inspires me to continue writing and keep you guys posted :)


	4. all in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> juliana fights back with idea of being in love with her best friend but it doesn’t help when she sense that valentina reciprocates her feelings

_Valentina takes charge and basically strips Juliana down at the same time she was taking her own clothes off as well. Juliana has never wanted anything more than this night. Something like this has never been anything more than just a daydream, so never would she had thought that this was actually going to happen but she’s damn thankful for it._

 

_She feels Valentina press her warm lips underneath her jaw and to her neck. The touch made her breathing uneasy and she’s had never felt like this before but she craved more of it.  
_

 

* * *

 

“I know you don’t feel well, but I really do think we should talk about..” Valentina doesn’t finish the rest of her sentence, but Juliana knows exactly what she was referring to as she hands her a glass of water.

 

“Val..” She softly groans. She wasn’t ready to have a conversation about this because her feelings for Valentina were insane and she was realizing it all too soon, just by looking at the girl. Her denial for her feelings for Val, then having her first kiss _and_ losing her virginity to the girl, and finally acknowledging how she really feels was hitting her all at once. 

 

It was completely overwhelming, not to even mention the hangover she was having and what feared her the most was Valentina _knowing_ all of this.

 

“I know you aren’t feeling well, but I just don’t want this to complicate our friendship,” Valentina says, reaching out of Juliana’s hand. “We were only drinking and one thing led to another,” She details like it didn’t mean anything at all to Juliana but how could she know? Juliana never once spilled her feelings for Valentina when she was drunk and she thinks she would regret that more if that were to happen instead of the sex.

 

Valentina becomes hesitant to continue her standing point, so with a low voice she says, “Just a drunk _mistake_ and it won’t happen again.” Juliana feels as if Valentina didn’t believe the words that came out of her own mouth to even begin with and she knows how to read this girl easily. However, whether Valentina meant it or not, that part definitely hit Juliana harder than she would think.

 

_Just a drunk mistake and it won’t happen again._ Juliana replays Valentina’s words in her mind.

 

“Yeah,” Juliana nods with her voice choked up, sliding her hands away from Valentina’s. She clears her throat and gives Valentina a weak smile while hoping that it isn’t too obvious that she was hurt by what was just said. “Nothing more and nothing less, right?” For the first time, she says out loud what she had been telling herself in the past couple months.

 

“Right,” Valentina’s tone was low and it makes Juliana wonder if something else was on the girl’s mind. At the same time, it almost feels like a slap in the face more than a wake up call because the way Valentina kissed her last night felt like everything.

 

But instead of asking Val how she really felt, Juliana just tucks her lips in her mouth and nods. 

 

Despite her gut feeling making her question Valentina’s actual feelings, she felt like this was confirmation enough that Valentina didn’t have any feelings reciprocated for her at all. She didn’t want to risk asking Valentina if that was truth, because she wanted to save herself from the potential embarrassment. _How could she want me back? She already has everything, she doesn’t want someone like me._ Juliana fights herself in her thoughts. 

 

“It’s getting late,” Juliana says standing up from the chair, “I think I’m going to try and get more rest. Thank you, Val,” She didn’t want to be in the same room with Valentina any more longer with the feeling in her chest that makes her was to tear up.

 

“I understand,” Valentina stands up and rubs Juliana’s shoulder softly. “So we’re okay?” She asks.

 

Staring back at Valentina eyes, she wonders if Valentina felt as sad as she does and it makes her wish she could know what was running in the girl’s mind.

 

“We’re okay.”

 

* * *

 

_“Are you sure?” Valentina becomes incredibly hesitant._

 

_At this point, they both were almost completely naked. Valentina was on top of her with fingers gripped on lines of the underwear she’s wearing._

 

_There’s burn between her thighs and she’s never wanted anything more than the exploration of Valentina’s touch._

 

_“I.. think,” Juliana says with a heavy breath. Valentina leans down and presses her lips against hers once more before looking in her eyes._

 

_“Juliana, yes or no?” She knows Valentina wants this and her energy reflected onto Juliana. “I don’t want to do anything you feel like you’re not ready to..” Valentina takes her hand and caresses Juliana’s face._

 

Two nights in a row, Juliana feels as if she was hardly getting any type of sleep and the reason for that was because she kept overplaying what happened with her and Valentina the other night. It’s all that she could think about and it confuses her. Ever since she’s met the girl, it felt like whatever feelings she had grown for Valentina just couldn’t stop from growing stronger.

 

She sits up from her bed and rests her back against the bed frame, with her knees bent near her so she could press her head on them. _Maybe I need time away from her.._ She thinks to herself, because after all she sees Valentina almost everyday since they became friends. 

 

There was no other solution that came in her mind, so she feels like this is the best thing to do. If she wanted to keep Valentina as her friend, she was going to need to get rid of _everything_ she was feeling. 

 

However the timing to making this decision wasn’t the greatest. 

For the following weekend, she had agreed to spend her time with Valentina, Lucho, and Sergio at some beach house that Sergio’s family owned. It was an annual trip that the three would take whenever its spring break and Valentina wanted Juliana to come along, of course all the plans were made before _that_ night happened between them and Lucho was trying to set Sergio up with Juliana. 

 

She had only agreed to the plans then because of Valentina convincing her to say yes and she knew the girl wasn’t going to settle for any other answer. 

 

Juliana had four days until this trip were to take place and she knows she can’t cancel on Valentina. So that gives her four days of space away from Valentina before spending the weekend with her and then she can continue trying to tuck her feelings away forever. 

 

She takes a deep breath in as she thinks how possible her plan might be. After all, to have Valentina in her life as just her friend was better than just pining for the girl all together. 

 

_“Just a drunk mistake..”_

 

Valentina’s words echoed in her head once again but this time she’s going to use that as motivation if her feelings get out of control, because the thought of Valentina simply not feeling anything back for her alone, was giving her the strength to move on.

 

* * *

 

There was no specific method to what Juliana was doing to try and move on from Valentina. She definitely didn’t want to immediately go out and find the first person she sees and ask them out on a date. 

 

And if she wanted to move on in a direction that meant giving somebody a chance, Sergio was one that popped up in her mind but right after she made a face at that thought, the type of face when the scent of a skunk comes out of nowhere. 

 

She was keeping herself busy by working at Miss Perlita’s restaurant and avoiding her phone usage, along with phone calls and texts Valentina was sending her. Of course she didn’t want to completely blow Valentina off with no explanation so she keeps conversations short and doesn’t reply on time like she usually does.

 

On average, these two had text conversations longer than paragraphs just describing how their days went if they weren’t speaking on the phone, so the vague one or two sentences Juliana would text back wasn’t left unnoticed.

 

_I know this is a random question but, are you okay?_

 

She reads the text in Valentina’s voice,a voice filled with concern.

 

_Yeah, I’m all good. I’m working right now, sorry can’t talk_

 

And send. She bites down her lip, feeling sort of guilty she was doing all of this to Valentina but she needed this for herself. 

 

* * *

 

Even if they hadn’t spoken since Valentina came over and they had _that_ talk, Valentina shows up to Juliana’s doorstep with a gigantic smile and a swimsuit in her hand. “Are you ready?” Valentina looks excited in front of her and Juliana couldn’t help to feel butterflies roaming in her chest and stomach. She doesn’t think she’s met anyone as beautiful compared to Valentina.

 

_Basta, Juliana, basta.._ In her mind she’s telling herself to stop from thinking about Valentina like this. 

 

“Let’s go,” Juliana simply says as she puts on a smile, throwing the duffel bag that filled clothes for the weekend over her shoulders. 

 

The drive to the beach house felt like it was incredibly long because she had to sit in the back seat with Sergio telling his weird drunk stories. She wants to gag at the story he laughed while telling her that girl he was drinking with at the time got stung by a jellyfish, so he had to urinate on her leg.

 

“Bro, you expect to impress her with a story like _that_?” Lucho laughs as he was driving into the beach house neighborhood area.

 

Juliana wants to throw up at the idea of her being set up with Sergio, but all she could do is just roll her eyes and give a fake laugh to just get through it. She looks at Valentina, who is sitting on the passenger seat in the front by Lucho. It seems as if Valentina is just as annoyed as Juliana because of the way she’s biting the inside of her cheeks. 

 

Juliana looks away and tries to avoid the wondering thought if Val was bothered by Lucho egging Sergio on and if jealousy played a slight role into that.

 

She shuts her eyes for a moment, letting Valentina’s words remind her,  
  
_“It won’t happen again.”  
  
_They finally get to the house and the first thing the boys take down from the trunk of the car was the alcohol as she and Valentina take down their bags. 

 

“Do you want to share a room?” Valentina asks.

 

“Huh?” Juliana first impression was confusion because why would Valentina want to share a room with her after what just happened not too long ago?

 

“ _Or_ you could sleep in Sergio’s room,” Valentina laughs and Juliana lets out a breath, feeling relieved Valentina’s intentions were to save her from spending nights with Sergio.

 

“No, being with _you_ sounds just fine.” She chuckles and it feels good to laugh with Valentina after barely speaking to her for almost a week. 

 

There’s a feeling in her rising that she makes her feel like she could really be just friends with Valentina without having her feelings getting involved. That is, until she sees Lucho walking up behind Valentina and grabbing her by the waist and pulling her in the house with a goofy smile across his face.

 

“Lucho!” Valentina says with frustration, leaving Juliana standing by the car alone. 

 

She takes a deep breath before walking inside the house and she begins to countdown her time being spent here.

 

* * *

 

The sun was slowly going down and a bunch of college students that were also on break came to the beach. Some set up bar huts where they would sell and serve alcohol along with selling drugs like ecstasy and xanax, while others set up bonfires and volleyball courts.

 

Lucho and Sergio had already headed out to find a spot to setup their own bonfire and lay a blanket to sit on. Meanwhile the girls were in the room they were going to be sharing, putting on their beach outfits. The first thing Juliana notices when she walks in the room was that there was only one bed. She feels a nervous feeling rising in her chest about how tonight will go when the two are ready to shut eyes and sleep.

 

“How does this look?” She hears Valentina asks and she looks up to see the girl in a black see through crochet with patterns that reveal the red two piece she had underneath. Valentina has never looked so _sexy_ to her and it made her stumble on her reply.

 

“It-,um,” Juliana shuts her eyes and feels her face heat up. “You look good,” She manages to say and Valentina chuckles at her. 

 

“Go ahead put yours on, I’ll wait for you here.” Valentina says and Juliana grabs the swimsuit Val had lend her. 

 

She goes in the bathroom and strips down from the clothes she was wearing and slides the white two piece on her. She looks at herself in the mirror, remembering the moment Valentina taught her how to float. During that time, being in the water made everything feel light so when Valentina’s hands were almost carrying her body it felt like the girl was keeping her steady and afloat. She smiles at the memory and walks out the door to see Valentina waiting for her patiently while looking down at her phone.

 

Valentina looks up at her and Juliana swears she saw something glow in the way Valentina was looking at her. 

 

“Ready?” Juliana asks, picking up the straw hat and holding it near her side.

 

Valentina clears her throat and smiles at her, “Yeah, let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

Once they get on the beach and find the boys, the sky was filled of fire with the sun falling down further than where it was earlier. Sergio walks up to Juliana, handing her a modelo bottle but she refuses. She looked back at her actions when she got drunk for the first time. As much as she actually impressed herself with how confident she learned herself to be when drunk, she didn’t want to make any choices tonight that was influenced by alcohol. The fear of accidentally telling Valentina how she was feeling rose up in her once again, so she takes a water bottle from the cooler.

 

She wasn’t sure how this trip would be like to begin with and to her surprise, it was going well. There were a group of people around their age playing music in a large speaker, and they all made friends with each other. To avoid Sergio flirting with her and watching Lucho his arms around Valentina’s waist, Juliana was making conversation with the people she made friends with. 

 

She was talking to this absolutely beautiful girl with curly hair named Marianna and she learned that the girl was visiting from the states. They had a common interest of designing clothing so their conversation took off and it honestly felt good that she found another girl she could talk to without secretly being in love with her. 

 

Sergio would try to get himself involved in the conversation but ended up making jokes instead and the Marianna girl was taking a liking into him. Juliana felt glad that this was happening because now she could finally catch a breath away from Sergio hitting on her because there was someone else actually giving him attention now. She looks over her shoulder to check on Valentina because she hadn’t really seen the girl once they met up with boys and they began drinking. 

 

Juliana sees Valentina sitting by the bonfire on a lodge with Lucho, who is handing her something tiny and Valentina takes it and puts it on the tip of her tongue, chasing it with a shot of tequila. Juliana walks over to them, ready to punch Lucho in the mouth for feeding her what could be a drug.

 

“ _Val_.” She calls out her name like it was a warning. Valentina looks up and walks over to her, with her arms crossed. 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Did you just take ecstasy?” Juliana voice was filled with nothing but concern. 

 

“It’s fine, I’ll be okay. Do you want one?” Valentina chuckles and reaches in her pocket to present a tiny little pill in front of Juliana. 

 

“No, I’m okay.” She shakes her head, wondering why she became so defensive for Valentina in the first place. She had almost forgotten the party girl in Valentina, the version that Lucho loves the most and the version Valentina tries to show herself off to be. 

 

However, Juliana sees through it all and she wonders if Lucho loves the real side of Valentina instead of this drunk side of her.

 

“Okay,” Valentina nods before putting the happy pill away and into her pocket. “I guess I’ll let you get back to _flirting_ with that girl,” She says in almost a bitter and petty tone before walking back to Lucho by the bonfire.

 

“What?“ Juliana furrows her eyebrows, not knowing what Valentina meant by that. Did the girl really think Juliana was flirting with Marianna? And if she was flirting with her, then why would it bother her?

 

She watches Valentina walk away and sit next to Lucho, laying her head on his shoulder and link her arm with his. She meets eyes with Valentina before Valentina looks away and stares into the fire. Juliana senses a bit of sadness coming from Valentina but the sight of her being with Lucho was enough for her to feel the need to walk away.

 

She walks back to Sergio and Marianna, and the two were hitting it off. 

 

“Hey we were just going to take some shots, want to join?” Sergio asks Juliana. 

 

Juliana wanted to bury away the jealousy in her so bad that she said yes. _A couple shots won’t hurt._ She thinks to herself as she walks to the table that was set up with bottles all around it. 

 

“Shots, I see?” She hears Lucho yell with excitement. She turns around to see Lucho jogging up and tackling Sergio and Valentina walking up casually with her arms still crossed. 

 

“You’re going to drink?” Valentina asks.

 

“I’m not planning to get super drunk,” Juliana chuckles, ignoring the short conversation they had less than five minutes ago. She didn’t know what type of reaction she’d expect from Valentina when even asked why the bitter voice from earlier at all.

 

The boys were pouring all the shots and passing it around and Marianna hands Juliana the tiny plastic shot glass. The slight scent of the tequila took her back to the memory of Valentina ripping her clothes off.

 

_At this moment, Juliana feels completely compelled by Valentina’s tenderness. “Because it’s you,” She slowly says with her eyes melting in Valentina’s ocean of eyes. “Yes,” She breathes out and Valentina kisses her again._

 

_Valentina slides down the underwear that was gripped in her opposite hand and tosses it on the ground. The next thing Juliana knew, she felt a sensation of pressure meeting between her thighs.  
_

She snaps out of her thoughts when she hears Sergio shouting, “ _Para_ spring break!” _For spring break!_ They all down the shot of the devil’s water right after. The bitter taste still makes Juliana cringe. Seconds later, Valentina takes the plastic shot cup from her hands and pours another shot for Juliana to take.

 

“What’s your plan with me, Val?” Juliana attempts to joke, she’d thought that maybe taking humor into their situation would make her feel less tension on her end.

 

Valentina has this smirk on her face and glances down at Juliana’s lips. It makes her feel very regretful for asking that because the way Valentina is looking at her makes her want to risk it all.

 

“Maybe I just want you to have a little fun tonight,” Valentina says before touching her shot glass against Juliana’s. They both down the shot and Marianna walks up to Juliana with a beer bottle in her hand but before Juliana had the chance to either accept or decline the drink, Valentina pulls her away.

 

Valentina was leading to the water and the next thing Juliana knows she soaking wet, trying to chase down Valentina and push her in the water. The two were laughing so hard that it makes Juliana forget about the tension she’s trying to bury in her chest. Instead, she’s just enjoying this time she had with Val because she knows this is so temporary. 

 

The ecstasy was climbing up in Valentina’s system and Juliana sees it. It wasn’t long until all the others joined in the water with them. Lucho was just as out of it, he was his crazy self but ten times more energetic. Juliana never thought she would dislike him more than she already does, but here she is now. Those two shots weren’t enough for Juliana to feel anything out of character and she was content with that. If anything she never craved water more than she did right at this moment, so she makes her way out of the water and walks over their blanket near the bonfire. She grabs her water bottle that she didn’t finish from earlier and takes a couple sips of it before sitting on the lodge near the fire. The same lodge Valentina was sitting on earlier with Lucho. _  
_

She takes a moment for herself, staring into the fire. A wave of sadness crashed into her as she began to think of Valentina. She’s never cared for relationships at all in her life and it’s not like she was waiting around for _the_ _one_ to come around in her life because if anything she was never looking for that kind of stuff in the first place. 

 

But when it comes to Valentina, she wouldn’t mind exploring what it would be like to be with her.

 

Valentina plops down next to her and laughs, “Ay, Juls. What are you doing here alone?” 

 

Juliana didn’t need to look at Valentina twice to know that the drugs kicked in her system completely with a touch of the alcohol. 

 

“Peace was much needed,” Juliana chuckles lightly, letting her hands out towards the warmth of the fire. “Are you okay?” She follows up with concern.

 

“I feel everything,” Valentina says with her hands mimicking Juliana’s.

 

Juliana feels Valentina studying her face without her looking back at the girl. When she catches the girl’s eyes mirroring back at hers, Valentina scoots closer to her and nuzzles her head underneath Juliana’s chin and into her curve of her shoulder near her neck. Juliana’s lips curve into a soft smile at the comfort they both sat in. 

 

Parts of her was Valentina’s safe place to land and she knew it, but she wishes it meant something real.

 

“Juls,” Valentina calls for attention softly.

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Let’s go to bed.”

 

Juliana looks down at the girl who is now standing up, leaving a lingering feeling stained on her shoulder and neck that was rushed to the cold wind feeling. She had instantly missed the warmth feeling of Valentina being comfortably laid against her. Valentina has her hand out for Juliana to reach so she could help her up.

 

She takes Valentina’s hand and walks over to the house they were staying in. They hear Lucho and Sergio call for them from behind. The two were catching up with them, ready to go back in the house as well. 

 

When they get in the house, Lucho takes Valentina away to spend time alone with her in his room. Knowing that Lucho and Valentina were on the same drug, she knew what tonight would lead up between the two and she wants to leave at the thought of that. _One more day, Juls,_ She reminds herself that this weekend was short and she could go back to her plan of distancing herself. After taking a shower and slipping herself in a tank top and sleep short shorts, she was ready to hit the lights. She hears a knock on the door and she sees Sergio, with a bottle of water and aspirin. “For the morning,” He says with a light chuckle.

 

“That’s okay, I didn’t drink much to begin with but thanks,” Juliana waves her hand at the generous offer. 

 

“Well if you change your mind, it’ll be in the kitchen,” Sergio says pointing at the direction of the kitchen. “Goodnight, Juliana.” He says before walking off. She thinks that’s the first time he’s said anything decent to her and she breathes out for relief that he wasn’t trying to get in her pants tonight. It would have been the perfect opportunity for him to try because Valentina was probably going to sleep in Lucho’s room tonight. 

 

She sits on the bed, getting herself comfortable underneath the covers. It shouldn’t bother her that Valentina was spending the night with Lucho, but here she is shutting her eyes tightly just hoping she could fall asleep right then and there. 

 

After battling herself to fall asleep for what could have been two hours, she finds herself waking up still alone on the bed. It annoyed her that she was waking up in cycles of what felt like every 15 minutes. She checks the time and it read, _3:05AM._ With a slight groan of frustration, she tries to close her eyes again.

 

The sound of the door softly creaking open grabbed her attention. She peaked who could have walked in and she swore to herself that if it was Sergio trying to make a move on her at this time, she would leave.

 

However it was the height and body build of the figure tiptoeing passed the door after shutting it closed slowly had her realizing immediately that it was Valentina. She wonders to herself why she is pretending to be asleep right now but she just didn’t want to have a conversation with Valentina about her whereabouts. 

 

She feels the weight of the bed even out with Valentina sitting on the opposite side of it as the girl slides underneath the covers. She was laying on her left side of the side with her knees slightly bent for comfort.

 

“Juls?” Valentina whispers, trying to grab her attention if she was awake.

 

Juliana lays on her back, turning her head to Valentina as a response. “You okay?” She asks softly. 

 

She swears Valentina is staring down at her lips, but it’s completely questionable in this lighting. The only source of lighting that filled the room was from the yellow lamp post that was outside near the window of the room.

 

“Now I am,” Valentina says, with her a hint of tequila escaping her lips. The girl was drinking again. 

 

“We should get some sleep,” Juliana suggests, making an effort to turn her body back the way it was where it was facing the opposite side of Valentina. But in this attempt to do so, Valentina has her right hand on Juliana’s hip, stopping her from completely turning her back against hers.

 

“Juls..” Valentina says softly and Juliana turns her body faced to the direction to Valentina.

 

All she feels now is the glowing feeling in her chest rising back up again and Valentina tracing the tip of her fingers across her jaw. Silence has never felt heavier in a room until this moment. Valentina lifts herself, just where her face was hovering over Juliana’s. 

  
“What are you doing-“ Juliana’s whispered questioned was cut off with the feeling of Valentina’s lips pressed against hers. She knows this wasn’t right but she melted into the kiss and responded back, deepening the kiss. This was the second time Juliana’s ever kissed anybody and it was Valentina once more, and this wasn’t a lesson this time. 

 

Valentina has her hand back placed on Juliana’s hip to support their lips getting deeper against each other. 

 

Juliana pulls away to catch a breath. Pulling away caught Valentina off guard, so the girl’s lips immediately chases back Juliana’s. “Val, wait,” Juliana says with a hush voice, afraid if Sergio or Lucho were to walk in on them.

 

“Are you drunk?” She asks Valentina, trying to figure out if this moment was genuine or just another _“drunk_ _mistake”._

 

“A little,” Valentina says with a slight slur in her words and just like that Juliana felt her heart dropping to her stomach.

 

“Go to sleep, Val.” There’s a tone of anger in her voice when she turns her back against Valentina’s. 

 

“Juliana, I..” Valentina sounds completely hesitant and regretful. “I’m sorry,” The girl retreats. 

 

“Do you forget you’re with somebody else when you’re drinking?” Juliana almost hesitates on asking but she stares at the window, waiting for a response. 

 

Valentina takes moment and it make Juliana wonder if she was choosing to ignore the question. 

 

She hears Valentina reply under her breath, but she said it so quietly that Juliana wasn’t sure if she heard correctly but she swears she heard Valentina say, _“Only when I’m with you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for waiting! i want this fic to be filled with multiple chapters of their dynamic so i hope you're enjoying this!


	5. nothing more and nothing less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more drunk!juliana !

The next morning she wakes up with Valentina’s body playing the big spoon against her body. She’s trapped underneath Valentina’s right arm, but she felt the need to grab a glass of water. 

Trying her best to not wake the girl, she carefully slides herself away from Valentina’s hold and plants her feet on the ground. 

It was almost noon, about 9 hours since Valentina _kissed_ her. 

She must admit that she’s surprised that she got to sleep after that. Maybe it was the comfort of having Valentina spending the rest of the night with her instead of Lucho.

_Lucho._ She recalls Valentina disappearing with Lucho, probably doing god knows what. She sighs at that thought and makes her way to the kitchen. Sergio was in the kitchen with Lucho when she overhears them talking about Valentina. 

“I mean what else am I supposed to assume?” Lucho sounds irritated.  
  
She makes sure not to take any more steps towards the direction of the countertop next to the fridge.

“So you think she’s pregnant? But she was literally drinking last night with you,” Sergio said with a laugh.

“Why else would she be acting weird lately, bro? She didn’t even want to sleep with me last night!” Lucho complains and Juliana’s lips curve. 

Just by knowing Valentina refused to have sex with Lucho but kissed her instead had her hopes running up. As much as she wanted to avoid interrupting the two talking, she really wanted her glass of water.

She steps inside the kitchen and the boys greet her good morning and she greets back, making her way to the fridge to grab two water bottles. The two boys stand differently with Juliana walking in the same space as them, their body language implying they were hiding something. They probably didn’t want to be caught talking about Valentina. 

Though Juliana couldn’t care less and goes back to the room. She almost tiptoes towards the bed, trying to keep quiet so she doesn’t wake the girl. Unfortunately, the creaking sound of the door woke Valentina up. The girl blinks to gain focus while looking at Juliana. “Hey,” She greets with a tired voice.

“Hey, water?” Juliana extends her arm out and offers the second water bottle she had to Valentina. 

“Yes, please!” With a tired voice, Valentina takes the offer. Valentina lets out an ‘ahh’ after almost draining the whole water bottle down. Juliana understood why the girl was desperate for the taste of water just by remembering how drunk and high off ecstasy last night Valentina was.

The memory of that version of Valentina reminded her of how they kissed last night.

Juliana sits on the side of the bed and bites down her inner cheeks as she looks at the girl. She wants to address what happened last night when Valentina kissed her. What was that? Why did she end up spending the night with her instead of Lucho?

“What’s on your mind?” Valentina sits up, getting her legs in a criss-cross position faced towards Juliana.

“I..” She starts and almost hesitates, but she shakes her head. 

She didn’t want to leave this undiscussed. If there was a slight chance that Valentina felt the same way for her back, she would break her walls down for her.

“I think we should talk about last night,” Juliana manages to say with her sentence sounding like it was sped up. They’re best friends so they should be able to communicate about this. If they can address their drunken hookup, then they can address _that_ kiss- Juliana was sure of it.

“Last night?” Valentina furrows her eyebrow, implying she had no idea what Juliana was talking about. 

“You don’t remember?” Her tone was filled with disappointment.

Valentina shakes her side to side and patiently waits for Juliana to explain what went on to her. 

“I drank a lot last night and that pill I took..” Valentina reasons and pauses, trying to reflect on the night before. “A lot of things are still foggy in my mind.” The chuckle that followed from her sends Juliana to a place of secrets. 

The high hopes she had with the thought of Valentina reciprocating these feelings were torn down at this. She doesn’t think mentioning the kiss was worth anything because _clearly_ it meant nothing to Valentina but perhaps, only another drunk mistake.

Valentina’s reaction influences Juliana’s words being taken away from her and she doesn’t know how to proceed with the conversation. 

Valentina takes Juliana’s silence and raises her eyebrows, “Please don’t tell me I tried to do the worm dance in front of everyone!” The girl buries her face in her hands to cover the embarrassment.

Juliana slightly bows her head down with a lightened laugh, feeling pressure leave her shoulders. “None of that happened, Val,” She says with a reassuring tone. 

Valentina lifts her head up and lets out a breath of relief. “Okay,” She nods, with a soft smile. “Then what did you want to talk about?” She’s looking back at Juliana in such a tender way, it’s hurting Juliana in the inside. _This girl is absolutely beautiful,_ Juliana thinks to herself.

But she doesn’t know what to say, and she knew she couldn’t continue to stare back Valentina’s eyes, so she looks away.

“Was it me taking that pill?” Valentina asks with shame in her voice as if that was the answer. 

_No, it was_ you _literally kissing me and grabbing my hip at the same time._ Juliana snaps in her mind.

“ _Listen_ , it was a one time thing, you don’t have to worry.” She smiles and reaches out for Juliana’s hand.

Juliana looks down at the touch and gulps, trying to swallow the heavy knot in her throat that came out of nowhere. 

“I just want you to be safe,” She replies, allowing the girl to think this was the topic she wanted to talk about. “Do you remember anything last night?” She asks, testing if Valentina really didn’t have a memory of that kiss.

The girl looks up to the ceiling, trying to jog her memory but all she could do is look back at Juliana and shrug. “No, I don’t.”

Juliana pursed her lips and nods, taking it all in. Just another drunk mistake.

Valentina furrows her eyebrow at her. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened,” She denies as she was quick to shake her head side to side.

Valentina just simply nods. 

Quiet filled the air between them and Juliana remembered that her hand was held by the girl. She looks down at their hands and slides away from Valentina’s. 

“I’m going to make some breakfast,” Juliana clears her throat again and stands up, taking a couple steps back away from the bed. “Do you want anything? Eggs?” She asks, trying to maintain this calmness in her voice.

“Sounds good,” Valentina agrees.  
  
Juliana nods before reaching for door handle. She didn’t get the chance to open the door because the door opens from the opposite side and it was Lucho walking in.

“Sorry,” Lucho says to Juliana, realizing he almost opened the door into her.

“It’s okay,” She brushes it off and glances back at Valentina. 

“Morning, babe.” He walks over to Valentina and presses his lips against her forehead.

They meet eyes for a moment and for some reason, Valentina looked apologetic. The blue eyed girl had her mouth agape and then gulped as Lucho proceeded to hug her. Juliana breaks their reciprocated sights towards one another and walks out the door. 

On her way to the kitchen, she lets out a sigh. _If only things were different._

She sees Sergio cracking eggs into a bowl, he turns and meet eyes with her. 

“Hey,” He says, waving with a for in his hand.

She wanted to shake off the jealousy she was left feeling from seeing Lucho being able to kiss Valentina so freely that she offers to help Sergio cook. 

He smiles at the girl in surprise.

She shakes her head. “Don’t get your hopes up,” She chuckles. 

“Okay, _mi novia,_ ” _My girlfriend._ He flirts and Juliana is reminded why he makes her want to throw up once again.

“Stop that,” She says, taking the bowl from him and breaking the egg yolk with the stir of the fork.

“Wow, you guys are cooking together already?” They hear Lucho’s teasing voice from behind

Juliana glances over her shoulder at him and sees Valentina following behind with arms crossed and a serious look on her face. 

The girl looked bothered. Juliana wondered if Lucho said something in the room when she left that could have bothered Valentina or maybe it was seeing her and Sergio kind of bonding together.

 

* * *

 

For the most of their day, they spent organizing the house for the _“U.B.H”_ party, as Sergio liked to put it. It stood out for ‘ultimate beach house’ and he would put emphasis into the sound of “UBH” when going around the neighborhood inviting others to come by. 

Juliana doesn’t think it isn’t the best name for it but Sergio was already too far in inviting neighbors so convince him otherwise.

Thankfully, this was the last day to their little trip to the beach house and all she needed to do is get through another day with everyone drinking around her.

At the same time, she was trying her best to ignore how down she felt with Valentina not having a memory of the night before and acted as if it never happened. They were setting up the beer pong table and placing the cups where it needed to be for the game. It wasn’t hard to keep a conversation together with Valentina, it was trying to avoid what was in her mind that was the problem.

On the bright side, she thinks she’s getting better at masking these feelings she has for Valentina by reminding herself that this was never going to be real. It was all just in her head and telling herself once again that it was nothing more and nothing less. 

“I think I’m going to play the sober role tonight,” Valentina mentions as she places beer bottles in the cooler. 

“And why is that?” She raises an eyebrow.

“I haven’t gotten drunk to the point where I don’t remember what I did in a long time,” Valentina gives a soft chuckle, “I think I’m going to sit this one out. We can be sober together.” The girl suggests with a smile and two thumbs up.

Juliana puckers up and forces a smile, “Sounds like a plan.” 

It wasn’t long after until Lucho and Sergio come back in the house with a crowd of spring breakers following. The guests were walking inside the house with excitement and alcoholic beverages.

She looked back at Valentina and they both knew this was going to be one hell of a party.

Some guests brought beer bottles and some brought all different kinds of tequila and dark liquor. Sergio plugs his phone in the aux and started blasting loud electronic music to set the party mood. 

Lucho was already starting by chugging three beer bottles back to back. Juliana notices Valentina suck in her cheeks, watching her boyfriend preparing to be incredibly intoxicated. 

By the way Valentina sighs, Juliana knew the girl was going to definitely sober as hell taking care of Lucho.

It was only the afternoon and Juliana didn’t want to waste the rest of her day in the house filled with people drinking so she excuses herself and walks down to the sand of the beach. She only wore high waisted denim short shorts with a white tank top, she wasn’t looking for a swim.

She takes a seat on the dry sand and watched the waves on the water rise and fall repeatedly. There could never be such more of a peaceful feeling because of how surprisingly empty the beach felt. She assumes the guests were all at the party and she was okay with that. 

This was her first moment of peace ever since the drunk hookup she had with Valentina. Her mind was spinning ever since but right now, with the wind carefully brushing against her, she felt like she could finally breathe.

That was until, a shadow came close from behind her. It had to be someone who was walking towards her. She turns her head over her shoulder and sees Valentina next to her. 

“Can I join you?” The girl asks and Juliana nods  
  
Valentina bends her knees and sits right beside her best friend. “Lucho was driving me crazy in there, I needed a break,” She chuckles.

Juliana responds back with a weak laugh. 

“Are you okay?” She feels Valentina looking at her while she found interest in staring down at the sand.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Juliana was far from the truth. She picks her head up and meets Valentina’s eyes.

“I don’t know, you feel _distant_.” Valentina’s tone was low. 

“I just have a lot in my mind,” She felt bad she wasn’t being herself around the girl anymore. How could she? She wouldn’t risk her friendship with Valentina for anything in the world.  
  
“Tell me,” Valentina insists.

They held their gaze on to each other, both not daring to break it. Something in Valentina’s eyes made Juliana wonder if there was something on this girl’s mind too. 

“Was it _that_ night?” Valentina suggests carefully and Juliana gulps. 

Why can’t she just admit that she’s been so conflicted lately? Maybe telling Valentina and getting reject was what she needed. Maybe she needed Valentina to react in a way that will snap her out of this spell in her mind. She needed to be called crazy and to be laughed at. 

Maybe if the girl said those things out loud to Juliana, she would finally believe it.

“Honestly, Val…” She starts, trying to prepare herself for the reaction. Valentina inches closer and gives her full attention to Juliana. But before Juliana could even try to form the words she wanted to say out loud, the sound of Valentina’s phone ringing interrupted her.

“Hold that thought,” Valentina looks down at her cell phone and they both see the caller id to be none other than Lucho. She could see Valentina hesitate to answer the phone so she insists that the girl does so. 

That was enough of a sign for Juliana to bury away the thoughts of almost telling Valentina how she felt. 

“Okay, okay. I’ll be there soon,” Valentina sighs and scratches her head before putting the phone down.

“I’m sorry Juls, please continue-“

“It’s okay, Val.” Juliana cuts her off and stands up. “Let’s just go back inside,” She suggests, reaching out her hand to help the girl up. Valentina’s eyes drop and it looked like her mood did as well, but she takes Juliana’s hand and pulls up from the ground.

“I just want to hear what you wanted to say,” Valentina insists as they begin walking together back to the house.

Juliana stares at the distance from where they were and the house. “There’s nothing to say,” She says, avoiding eye contact with Valentina. “Everything’s all good.” 

 

* * *

 

When they get back inside the house, everyone was at least buzzed or at their drunk stage already. Lucho was intoxicated and almost picking fights with random people, but Valentina showed up just in time to calm them down. 

Juliana sits in the kitchen and made herself a plate of snacks to get by. It wasn’t long until Sergio sat right next to her with a bottle in one hand.

“Ay, Juliana,” He says unamused, “Take a shot with me.” 

“No, thank you.” She says, as she watches everyone else around her talking loudly and drinking. She sees from the distance that Valentina was trying to keep Lucho from finishing a whole bottle of mezcal to himself.

Sergio notices Juliana looking at them and says, “Stop babysitting Vale and have some fun for yourself.”He holds up a shot glass to her.

“I’m not her babysitter,” She sounded defensive.

“Good, because she looks like the babysitter tonight,” Sergio laughs and points at the direction they were just turned to.

She turns her head and sees Valentina trying to control Lucho from breaking a lamp by waving it around. 

Something burned inside of her when she sees Lucho setting the lamp down and placing his hands on Valentina’s sides that drove her to accept the shot glass in front of her face. 

She throws her head back to the drink and bites down the slice of lime as chase. She uses the back of her hand to wipe away the remaining tequila across her bottom lip. 

“Okay, now we’re getting started!” Sergio cheers obnoxiously. 

_Fuck it._ She says to herself, forgetting about the sober plan she had with Valentina.

She didn’t want to pine over Valentina anymore, because there was no point to! All she’s wanted to do was forget these unrequited feelings so she lets Sergio pour her another shot. She throws her head back once more and continues to take back to back shots. 

Drinking hit her differently when she was hurt.

She walks away from Sergio and takes a whole bottle from the kitchen table for herself. It wasn’t long that she started to make friends with the guests of the house and taking more shots with them. She knew the effects of the alcohol was rising in her when she became more extroverted to the people around her. 

Growing up, she never really went out her way to talk to people. She was always to herself, but it was that moment meeting Valentina for the first time at the park that she went out her way to talk to her. She just had to know who the beautiful girl crying in the middle of park was.

She even came across the girl she met on the beach yesterday, Marianna. The girls greeted each other with a hug and then took a shot together. Sergio insisted that they have a drinking competition of who could handle the most to chug without opting out. Marianna takes on the game and Juliana decides to as well. 

“Everyone! Game time!” Sergio yells out and everyone turns their heads to the girls.

It was a beer chugging competition, something Juliana has never participated in her life so it wasn’t a surprise to her when she couldn’t finish the whole beer bottle without taking a second to breathe. Most of the guests began to surround the two, cheering on as they go another round of the game.

Valentina walks towards the crowd and watches Juliana finish through this round with the beer bottle.

“I have an idea,” Marianna suggests, slurring her words. This girl was already out of it.

Juliana raises her eyebrow at her. The girl she had just met picks ip a sliced lime from the table and walks closer to Juliana. 

“It’ll make the crowd go nuts,” Marianna says to Juliana’s ear before squeezing the lime down the side of Juliana’s neck. 

“Put this in your mouth,” Marianna holds up the squeezed lime to her mouth and she bites on to it. She began to realize how submissive she was when she’s drunk.

Juliana raises both her eyebrows and glances at the crowd- at Valentina. Valentina had her arms folded again with an unamused look across her face. The next thing Juliana knew, Marianna ran her tongue up Juliana’s neck where she squeezed the lime juice to. 

It surprised Juliana and the crowd cheered loudly, but she was becoming too drunk to process it completely. The next thing she knew, Marianna lifts her head up and leans closer to her face. 

Marianna uses her mouth to take the lime from Juliana’s mouth, pressing her lips against Juliana’s along the way. Marianna’s open lips moved along Juliana’s in a brief moment before Marianna pulls her head back with the lime in-between her teeth this time. 

Juliana’s eye widen as she looks at the girl she had just met. She turns her head back to the direction of where Valentina was. They lock eyes for a moment and Juliana’s sees the sour expression across Valentina’s face.

Valentina breaks eye contact by walking away.

“My turn!” She hears Sergio telling the Marianna girl.

Assuming Valentina was going to continue taking care of Lucho, she continues to converse with the people around her. 

 

* * *

 

When the alcohol kicks in completely, she decides to go back to the peaceful spot she was at earlier. It was barely sunset but the sky has never looked so beautifully on fire. She walks down the sand far enough to be close by the waves of the water and watches the sun go down. 

She surprised herself with the capacity of alcohol her body was taking. She had already lost her meaning of soberness and was numb to her feelings around her. She digs her feet in the sand as she had her knees bent faced up and her arms wrapped around it. 

Valentina popped back in her mind and anger followed. She was bothered how Valentina was so easy to act as if their hookup never happened because it _did_ matter.

It meant everything. 

For the past couple nights she couldn’t sleep right without flashbacks running in her head of Valentina being on top of her. Sure she was drunk in that moment, but she’s never felt anything so real.

“Juliana!” She hears the sound of Sergio’s voice break the thoughts in her head. She stands up and turns around to see Sergio. 

“What are you doing in here all alone? Come inside where the party is,” He chuckles and she rolls her eyes, grabbing the tequila bottle from the ground. 

She stumbles as she reaches down for the bottle and almost loses complete balance before Sergio steps in front of her to prevent that. 

“Woah there, let me help you,” He says, as he helps Juliana balance on her two feet. 

She tries to take two steps forward but the amount of alcohol she consumed had her losing basic functions. She stumbles again and has Sergio deciding to sweep her off her feet and carry her like a child. She was so out of it that she didn’t try to fight this, she just kept the bottle close her as she was being carried.

They walk back into the house like this and Valentina glares at the both of them. 

“Why are you holding her like that?” Everything sounded so distant to Juliana but Valentina’s voice was clearly filled with bitterness. It reminded her of when Valentina saw her talking to Marianna just yesterday and accused her of flirting with the girl.

“Do you not see how drunk she is?” Sergio sasses back and then laughs. They go into the room the girls shared and laid Juliana down. There was an open tequila bottle on the lamp desk that Juliana reaches out for, she wanted another swig. 

“Juls, you don’t need anymore of that,” Valentina chuckles softly, taking the bottle away.

“You got it from here,” Sergio says before walking out the door and closing it behind him. 

She watches him leave and realizes she’s in a room with Valentina alone, still fresh off the angry thoughts in her mind. 

“I- I don’t want to be here,” Juliana groans, trying to stand back up on her two feet. 

“Juliana come on, you can barely get up,” Valentina reaches out for her arm, but instinctively Juliana pulls her arm inwards to avoid the touch. She just leans her back against the wall for support instead.

“Are you okay?” Valentina backs away quickly, not trying to test Juliana. But then, Valentina folds her arms and takes a step closer to Juliana. “Did Sergio do something to you?” Valentina’s stern and protective tone almost makes Juliana want to burst out laughing. 

_Sergio? She thinks he did something to me? That’s funny._ She responds with a giggle that bubbled up from her throat. 

“Seriously?” She manages to say in between her laughs.

“Sorry, I didn’t know what else to think,” Valentina unfolds her arms and throws her hands up in defense.

She pushes herself off the wall and finds balance on her feet. “I’ll let you figure it out,” Her delivery in her tone was bitter and Valentina became confused. 

The music from the other room rolls in when she opens the door to walk out. She was completely underneath the spell of the tequila bottle and all she wanted was to be away from Valentina.

“Wait,” Valentina walks up to the side of the door and extends her arm out to prevent Juliana from opening the door completely. 

The girl stood close to Juliana, just barely tilting her head down to hold a steady gaze with her. She drops her eyes down from Valentina’s and focuses on the shape of the girl’s lips. They were so full and perfectly moist, there were no cracks of dryness to it.

“Something’s bothering you, I can tell from the moment I woke up,” Valentina says, lifting up Juliana’s chin to make eye contact with her. 

Being this close to each other, she also wanted to feel Valentina’s lips against hers but she clenches her jaw at the temptation. She couldn’t be around her any longer so she grips on the door handle. Every action that she wanted to take right now was purely out of impulse, so being around Valentina made it hard to maintain it.

She pierced back at Valentina’s gaze. “You just made another one of your drunk mistakes last night, that was it,” Her words come out like venom and then she attempts to walk out again

Valentina reaches out for her arm to stop her.

“What are you talking about?” There was confusion in the girl’s voice and it continued to bother Juliana.

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? _Basta.” Enough._ Juliana snaps, slightly raising her voice.

“You're drinking and making out with _random_ people, just tell me what’s wrong!” Valentina sounded frustrated that she was meeting the sound level of Juliana’s angry tone.

“And why does that bother you?” She was quick to respond with her tone being flat and bitter. The alcohol in her set a flame inside of her, a flame that ignited the sass she only had used against someone that’s ever pissed her off like her father.

Juliana pierced her eyes at the girl, biting down her teeth. It shouldn’t bother Valentina that Marianna kissed her, at least that girl was clearly not in a _relationship._

Valentina tucks his her lips and aggressively runs her hands through her hair. “Because you’re avoiding me, Juliana! I know there has to be a reason for it!” 

She couldn’t stand being yelled at by Valentina, especially in her drunk state. 

“Because I’m tired of pretending not to be in love with you _every time_ I’m in the same room as you!”She raises her voice back at Valentina without thinking about the words that came out of her mouth.

Valentina lowers her stiff shoulders and softens her face. 

Juliana didn’t realize how heavy she was breathing until the silence filled in the air. They were staring back at each other and Juliana realizes what she says and massages her temples, shutting her eyes for a brief moment.

“I’m sorry,” She manages to say with a knot starting to tie in her throat. All she wanted to do was leave so she reaches for the door and quickly walks out.

“Juliana!” Valentina catches up to her and stands in front of her. They were in the middle of the living room. Juliana wanted to just leave.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Juliana says, beginning to feel frustrated at herself for putting Valentina in this position. 

“I..” Valentina tries to find her words, “I don’t know what to say."

To Juliana, those words were an answer already.

“That’s all I need to know,” She tucks in her lips and slightly bows her head down, trying to avoid letting Valentina see the sad expression across her face.

“I need to some air,” She says, turning back around heading towards the door that led to the outside of the house. 

This time she didn’t let Valentina stop her because she closed the door right behind her as she walked away.

Telling Valentina how she really felt was the _last_ thing she ever wanted to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for being so persistent, without your comments i wouldn't be so motivated to update! i hope you're enjoying the angst!!


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